i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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