These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
