one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
