saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
