Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
