The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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