he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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