Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just pee around me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
