chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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