I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize