It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize