do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
