I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
