There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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