I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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