Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
