maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
