Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
