her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
