the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
