WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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