I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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