Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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