I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
