I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
