Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
