i love accidental penises.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
