I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Text me some of your sweat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
