Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
