Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
