Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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