also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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