I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he puts the penis in happiness.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
