ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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