So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
