If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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