i don't like sucking hair
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
