watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
