is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
