I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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