So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
