He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We have so much sex to catch up on
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
