Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
