He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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