what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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