You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
