So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
