You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would fuck him just for his dog
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
