If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
