Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
