it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
