He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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