her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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