I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
