One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
