i think my mom watched the whole time
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
