I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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