in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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